All for the war effort
by kiku65
Summary: A little drabble that takes place in the Clone Wars. Looks at some MasterPadawan sparring. Reviews are life. Reviews feed authors.


All for the war effort

**Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars. If I did, I would not work for 5 quid an hour.**

A little drabble that takes place in the Clone Wars. Looks at some Master-Padawan sparring.

This is my first attempt at humour. Be nice.

**Part One: Tendency to destruction**

The field was a mass of fire and ash.

Mostly it was ash- the fires were all but burnt out now, leaving a few pockets to splutter and starve in isolation. Shards of rock and transparisteel were scattered where the Separatist bunker had once stood. All the organic dead and injured had been removed from the area, leaving only the twisted hunks of metal and power cells that had been battle droids. Their charred hands clawed at the sky, as if begging for relief.

It had been, thought Obi-Wan, a very long day.

First had come the orders to destroy the bunker. Then, upon reaching the bunker, had come newer orders to infiltrate and search for information in the databanks- before blowing it up. Finally, when the bunker had been attacked by the clones of the 212th, the orders had changed yet again.

It had said, in its entirety 'forget previous orders. Blow the place skywards.'

There were times when Obi-Wan really _hated _the military. Or would have if he weren't a Jedi.

He squinted at two figures approaching from the sea of cinders. One was easily recognisable- those brown Jedi robes, that lightsaber, that cocky grin…

"Hello Master," his padawan said, looking absurdly happy for someone covered in char and soot. "Taking an interest in my handiwork?"

Obi-Wan grunted. "Granted you might have been the one to set those charges, but please refrain from calling an area of devastation your 'handiwork'. It makes me apprehensive for your future."

Anakins' grin never wavered. "Awww, Master, I thought you knew. I _specialise_ in devastation."

"Like I could forget," Obi-Wan muttered.

"I'm sorry, what was that?"

"I don't need reminding of you tendency to create havoc wherever you go, Anakin." Obi-Wan's voice was a study in disapproval. "Not after that business with Senator Greyshades' speeder…"

"I commandeered that to save _you_…"

"…the time you tried to demonstrate your lightsaber prowess in Senator Amidalas' ship…"

"…it wasn't my fault she had to make that sharp turn…"

"…the time you taught those younglings to sing 'Lapti Nek'…"

"… I don't know what the problem was; _they _didn't know what it meant…"

"…the time you used a thermal detonator to enter the Separatist Base of Intelligence…"

"…it got us in, didn't it?"

His master sighed tiredly, and rubbed his eyes with a soot-stained hand. A smear of black covered half his face before he desisted. "You completely obliterated most of the compound, not to mention almost us as well…"

"Alright, maybe your idea of using our lightsabers was more efficient." Anakin conceded.

As this was the most contrition he could expect, Obi-Wan decided to move on. "Was there something you needed to tell me?"

Anakin shrugged. "Just that the ARCs have completed their scouting. No droids, equipment or separatists within a hundred klicks in any direction."

Obi-Wan regarded the T-visor of the person next to him. "Nothing at all?"

The masked face swung back and forth negatively. "Not living anyway. My boys and the commander did a though job."

Anakin's grin lit up his face in delight. "Nice to know I'm appreciated."

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes and mentally gave up. It had been too long a day. "Get back to your tent and update the council on our success. Then you can get some proper sleep- I _know _you haven't been sleeping properly for the last five days. That's an order, Anakin."

His padawans face fell down to his boots. "Can't I at least send Padme a message saying we're safe?"

"If I tell you 'no' will it stop you doing it?"

Anakin seemed to contemplate this. "Probably not."

"Then why do you even bother asking?"

Anakin shrugged again. "Force of habit?"

Obi-Wan ruffled his padawans hair affectionately. "Get going then, before I decide to cure you of your bad habits right here."

"Bad habits, Master?" This was accompanied by a look of wide-eyed innocence that fooled no-one present.

"Cheekiness, arrogance, stubbornness, destructive tendencies…"

His padawan threw up his hands in surrender. "All right, all right I'll go." He hurried off in the direction of the newly set-up tents, the old ARC captain limping behind him.

* * *

"General? We have new orders."

Obi-Wan groaned and rolled over on his bunk. "If it involves blowing up another base don't tell me. I'm too tired."

"Very well General."

There was a pause, as the ARC stood in the corner of the tent. Then Obi-Wan remembered that troopers were bred for total obedience.

"_Are_ we being ordered to blow up another base?" he demanded.

"Does that question countermind your earlier order, sir?"

_They can't be sarcastic_, Obi-Wan told himself._ They aren't bred for sarcasm. That tone in his voice must have come from a bad vocabulator. _

He settled for, "Yes."

"Yes General. Republic intelligence has located another bunker in the west, and we are the closest detachment to it."

It was a pity, Obi-Wan thought, that Jedi could not throw screaming hysterics whenever they were tired and had had enough.

"Right now?" His voice was almost plaintive.

"They ordered it as soon as possible, General."

He dismissed the ARC and stumbled over to Anakins' tent. The boy was disgustingly fresh and wide-awake.

"You've heard the news then, Master," he grinned.

Obi-Wan grunted, wishing wistfully for his comfortable bed, his warm thermal blanket- or even just a strong cup of stimcaf.

Anakin was still as nauseatingly optimistic as ever. "Come on, Master, it'll be fun. A quick scout, infiltration, a pre-emptive strike..."

"... which essentially boils down to us sneaking inside, killing any droids we see, destroying the shields from within and letting the troopers mop up after us?"

Anakin thought this over. "Yep."

His old Master rolled his eyes. "Better get started then."

**Part Two: All for the war effort **

"Anakin?"

"Yes Master?"

"Why are we in the sewer pipes?"

"Safest way, Master."

"Ah." Obi-Wan thought a moment. "Safe from what, precisely?"

Anakin shrugged. "Well... droids, Master. Seppies. The Enemy."

Obi-Wan closed his eyes. "Don't you think they might have guards down _here _as well?"

His Padawan looked uncomfortable. "Might have, Master. But..."

"So there was no need to come down here at all."

"It was..."

"We could have simply let the clones cover us while we blasted down the doors."

"There are..."

"Not got ourselves covered in-"he stopped himself and amended, "- stuff. Padawan?"

Anakin was looking over his shoulder. "Oh, never mind, Master."

Obi-Wan looked around as well. A squad of B1 battle droids had rounded the slime-covered corners of the ancient sewer pipe, and were now aiming blasters. He turned to his Padawan.

"What did I tell you?"

Anakin shrugged. "Alright, alright. But they're only skinny little battle droids."

The skinny little battle droids barked out, "Drop your weapons, Jedi!" the rest of the squad went into a routine of spasticated head-bobbing, to the cries of "Roger, Roger!"

The two Jedi glanced at each other, and Obi-Wan ruffled his hair. Anakin cocked an eyebrow in reply, as his master shook his head and gave a sweeping gesture. He turned back to the droids.

"You want me to drop my weapon?" he said ingenuously.

B1s weren't made to be intelligent, and so this one simply repeated, "Drop your weapon!"

"Are you sure?" he inquired, "really really sure? You don't want to change your minds?"

The droid just repeated on a loop, "Drop the weapon! You are under arrest!"

Anakin shrugged. "Ok then."

It wasn't much of a battle. B1s, as often remarked by their bio-droid general, were often a greater threat to their allies than their enemies. Eventually the sewer muck was littered with dismembered droid arms, heads and blasters. Anakin turned and gave an ironic bow, grinning.

"I did warn them, Master," he said innocently. "It's not my fault they didn't listen."

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes. "No doubt they would have heard how you tend to drop your weapons."

The grin turned into a smirk. "They have now, Master"

* * *

Anakin leapt like a vine tiger through the melted hole in the bunker floor. He flourished his lightsaber.

"Surrender or die!" he yelled.

The cleaner droid looked back for a moment. Obi-Wan poked his head up.

"A dangerous prisoner," he commented.

Anakin deflated slightly. His master patted him on the shoulder sympathetically.

"I'm sure you scared it, Anakin. Now let's get on with this, shall we?"

They hurried through the corridors to the central command room. B1s and B2s littered the area, and Anakin perked up.

"Now this is more like it!"

The whole room filled with fire as every droid opened up on the two Jedi. Blue sabers hissed into life, deflecting lasers back at their owners. Fans of summer-sky light swept through the area, cleansing it of all that was metal and sentient.

Anakin snapped his saber back to his belt. "Invigorating."

Obi-Wan followed suit. "Truly. Get to the com equipment."

His Padawan obliged, yelping with excitement. "This babe's got everything! Holonet recorder, Shadowfeed, Hyperwave transmitter..."

"Anakin. The coms."

"Yes Master. Sorry." He started to tap away at the keypad, occasionally chuckling or copying information to a personal datapad. Obi-Wan peered over his shoulder.

"What in the galaxy are you doing Padawan?"

Anakin contrived to look innocent, widening blue eyes to their maximum. "Just helping the war effort, Master."

Obi-Wan grunted. "Patch me in to the clone com network. Might as well let the professionals deal with this Anakin obliged, and brought up a page. "Just need to send this..."By the time his master had looked over his shoulder the message was gone, and the Padawan was smirking again.

"What did you send?" he asked suspiciously.

The smirk grew wider. "Oh, nothing, Master."

* * *

"_Commander Cody?_"

The clone pulled a small comlink off his belt, saluting at the tiny blue figure on top. "Sir! Were you successful?"

"_When have I ever let you down, Commander? Bring in your men, all's quiet in here._"

"Yessir. Right away."

He switched off the link and ordered his men forward.

"Move out!"

* * *

Half a galaxy away, a certain bio-droid General was organising an attack on an obscure Outer Rim, stalking through a room full of sweating Neimodians and computer screens. The terminal for his personal calls beeped.

"_Message for General Grievous_."

Scowling irritably, he activated the com and glared at the page.

"What is it _now_?!"

A cheerful face surrounded by blonde-brown hair came into view. His durasteel hands almost crushed the communicator in recognition. "_Skywalker_!"

The face beamed up at him. "_Hello General. I was thinking, like us Jedi do but Seppies never seem to, how it's pretty sad how no-one seems to like you, mostly because you're ugly, smelly, annoying..._"

Grievous snarled and smashed the screen, only to find the message was playing on all the other terminals as well.

"_... not to mention bad-tempered, rude and obnoxious_." The little head beamed wider, in a sympathetic fashion. "_But don't worry, Jedi don't care about those things at all. I thought it would really help the diplomatic efforts to end this war if I were to give you a Name-Day present. Of course I don't actually know when it is, but I thought it was worth a try anyway..._"

The face disappeared with a cheery wave, to be replaced by a thousand glowing, pink, luminous...

"Nooooooooooooo!!!!"

The face appeared for one last time. "_I hope you like them General. I sent them to all your little friends as well. Gotta love those viruses, eh?_"

Grievous cursed and swore in Kaleesh, as the flowers, balloons and cute confetti filled the screens.


End file.
